how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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