we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
