So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
