fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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