just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
