my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
