i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
