HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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