my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
