I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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