well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
