So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
