just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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