call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
