the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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