I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
