dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
