Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
