Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
