it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
