oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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