Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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