their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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