No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
