i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
