you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
