In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
