You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
