My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
