It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
