He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
