I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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