So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
as a side note pls kill me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
