dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
