saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
