Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
