Someone shit on the floor
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
