after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
