Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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