im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Randomize
