i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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