He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
