I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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