shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
