Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
