I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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