She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
