i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
