Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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