she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
