The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
