doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
