I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
