Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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