I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
