did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
