another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
