I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
